So I suppose Merry Christmases and Happy Holidays are in order, no matter how belated. Hopefully everyone had a wonderful time with whatever it is you all as celebration. I myself spent the Christmas with my mom’s side of the family, with dinner at my Aunt’s as usual. My father didn’t come this time, instead staying at home alone, but I suppose that shouldn’t surprise me by this point. He’s never been one for the holidays, and lately not one for my mom either. However, I had fun regardless. Thanks to my aunt, uncles, grandparents and mom I’m well on my way to having enough saved up for a laptop. I’m hoping it will only take a couple more paychecks before I can begin searching for one. I would love nothing more than to be able to do everything I do on the desktop here, but somewhere I’m more comfortable, or even away from my family if need be. I’m hoping that with the freedom that offers I’ll be more inspired to write, as sitting here with everything going on around me never puts me in a very good mood to do anything creative. Except for maybe times like now, when everyone is either not home or asleep. Anyways, I finished up my exams a while ago, all essays handed in, and my courses are finished. The only question remaining is how successfully they’ve been finished. I’m not too optimistic about the outcomes. As for January, I don’t know if I’ll be taking anything, though I would like to take at least one class. I have a few interesting ones in mind. Mostly I sit around home and do nothing. I really don’t know where my days go. It feels like I get up, watch TV, and then the next thing I know I’m going to bed. The last few days thankfully haven’t felt quite like that – I saw two movies, and did some shopping with my mom and grandma. FYI, Sherlock Holmes and Nine were both incredible movies. And I’ll be off to see Avatar with Matt and his boyfriend this weekend at some point as well, so my life is slightly less monotonous than it normally would be, even if not as happy as I would like it to be. As for New Year’s resolutions? I’ve never made any before, so I figure why break the cycle now? Whatever happens happens, I guess. But that’s it from me. Figured I’d wish everyone the best and then see if I can whip up a small piece of writing for tonight.
-Alyssa --- R.I.P. Jody McKimmon January '91 - April '08 --- Books: 2009's Reads Con’t 26. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini 27. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks 28. Sweet Dream Baby by Sterling Watson 29. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult 30. The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews 31. Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden 32. The Summoning by Kelly Armstrong 33. Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker Currently Reading: 1. The Glassblower Of Murano by Marina Fiorato 2. The Gathering by Anne Enright 3. Dracula by Bram Stoker Soon To Be Read: 1. Picture Perfect by Jodi Picoult 2. Keeping Faith by Jodi Picoult 3. The Outlander by Gil Adamson 4. Brisingr by Christopher Paolini 5. Atonement by Ian McEwan 6. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini 7. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer 8. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 9. The Children Of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien 10. Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish 11. The Ambler Warning by Robert Ludlum 12. Any Known Blood by Lawrence Hill 13. Ice Song by Kirsten Imani Kasai 14. The Pretender’s Crown by C.E. Murphy 15. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown 16. Thorn by Vena Cork 17. Red Dog Red Dog by Patrick Lane 18. The Hour I First Believed Wally Lamb 19. My Best Stories by Alice Munro 20. Through Black Spruce by Joseph Boyden --- Other dA Accounts: - My written work can be found here. Friends: Clubs:
Reading: The Glassblower of Murano by Marina Fiorato
Freeing
Wed Dec 2, 2009, 1:15 AM
No, it was not a long hiatus, but are any ever that long? I’m still a bit flustered with the way things are around here, but as Christmas approaches it’s difficult not to get in the spirit of the season…as long as it doesn’t snow! As of about half an hour ago I’ve official finished the last essay that is due this week. I have one more to write, but it isn’t due until next Monday, so that will most definitely be a weekend project. I wrote my English essay yesterday, and that included finding references and writing down quotes and summaries and paraphrases, etc. I did a rather half-assed job on it, but oh well. It’s a process paper, each portion is assigned a certain percent, so I will at least get marks on what I did. Today I wrote two Anthropology essays, which aren’t as long as they should be, but I’m proud of the topics I picked and how I portrayed them. Hopefully my teachers will agree, and not notice that I wrote them the day before they were due. Before heading off to bed tonight, I still need to type up my two presentations for tomorrow. I may leave the one to type out tomorrow in between my classes, but I’m really worried about doing that, as I’ll only have an hour and a half. So I will attempt to get as much done now as I can…I may just forget about the other presentation all together, or ask the teacher if I can present it to just her before the final exam. Come up with some bullshit about how I’ve put it off because I’m nervous to talk about it in front of the class…I don’t know. Anyhow, this week is the last week of classes. I’ve already finished English, now I’ve just got my Anthropology classes and Criminology to go. Next week I have an essay due, but exams aren’t until the week after that, thank God. A huge weight has been lifted from my shoulders, not counting the fact that they’re totally knotted up from sitting in this stiff chair and on the floor all day. Next semester I may just take one class, as I can’t start the Early Childhood Education program until May at the earliest (you have to be nineteen to take it, lousy February birthday... ). I’m thinking about another English course, something more interesting than what I just finished, but I’m not totally decided on that just yet. I need to look into it a bit more. As soon as this is all over, I plan to sit down for a few straight weeks and read the stacks of books that have piled up these last few months. I’m pretty sure my list below no longer contains everything I have to read still. I also plan to spend a few straight days in bed to make up for the amount of sleep I’ve lost these last few days…I’m so looking forward to that. On another note, I have to go back into the dentist on Saturday (was just there this past Saturday) so they can remove one of the fillings and put in a new one, because the shitty metal filling has cracked the tooth. So I get to go do that at nine-thirty in the morning…I don’t know about you, but I’d really rather not have a needle stuck in my mouth and then have them drill away at stuff at all, never mind when I should still be sleeping. But ah well, it’s better than leaving it and ending up with a root canal like my mom needs, poor her. Anyways, back to work for me. I need to get this one presentation done at least.
-Alyssa "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you. And I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever-after, after the life we've been through. 'Cause I know there's no life after you." --- R.I.P. Jody McKimmon January '91 - April '08 --- Books: 2009's Reads Con’t 26. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini 27. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks 28. Sweet Dream Baby by Sterling Watson 29. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult 30. The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews 31. Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden Currently Reading: 1. The Gathering by Anne Enright Soon To Be Read: 1. The Summoning by Kelly Armstrong 2. The Outlander by Gil Adamson 3. Brisingr by Christopher Paolini 4. Atonement by Ian McEwan 5. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini 6. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer 7. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 8. The Children Of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien 9. Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish 10. The Ambler Warning by Robert Ludlum 11. Any Known Blood by Lawrence Hill 12. Ice Song by Kirsten Imani Kasai 13. The Pretender’s Crown by C.E. Murphy 14. Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker 15. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown 16. Thorn by Vena Cork 17. Red Dog Red Dog by Patrick Lane 18. The Glassblower Of Murano by Marina Fiorato 19. The Hour I First Believed Wally Lamb --- Other dA Accounts: - My written work can be found here. Friends: Clubs:
So here’s a pretty heavy question for all of you out there: Do any of you have parents who actually speak to each other any more? Because mine sure as hell don’t. My mom or dad used to come home from work and they’d actually bother to ask how their days had been, they’d actually hug each other, there’d be physical contact, lovey-touchy-feely grown up stuff. When I was little I used to love squashing my way between them and attempting to gain some of the attention too. You know, family stuff. Now? My dad comes home from work, showers, goes downstairs and sits on his computer for the evening until he goes to bed. He drinks his goddamned beer, and while he’s never been drunk and isn’t an alcoholic, I wish he wouldn’t waste his damn money on it. If he comes up stairs, it’s to make dinner, and more often then not it’s just for himself. My parents can go weeks without speaking a single, fucking word to each other, and it doesn’t so much as interrupt the flow of their tied, but very much separate lives. While I have no doubt that they both love my brother and I, they don’t act like, or even pretend to act like, they still love each other. And how the hell is an eighteen year old supposed to bring that subject up with a parent. “Hey Mom, how was your day? Oh, good. Do you still love Dad or not?” Not that I’d expect much of an answer to that anyways. Honestly though. What is the point in caring for other people, in making friends and best friends, in forging lasting relationships with people, in putting your trust and faith in someone else, in hoping they’ll be able to do the same with you? Why bother to let yourself fall in love, when the biggest role models in your life are rapidly falling apart? What is the point in letting someone else make you so completely and totally happy when your own parents do nothing but consistently make each other unhappy? So suffice it to say, I’m taking a hiatus. I’ll check emails; I’ll check text messages, but I need to get the hell away. I need to think, to figure out what I want to do with myself and my life before living in this house sucks what little love of life I have left clean out of me. Before I’m done all together.
-Alyssa "All that I'm after is a life full of laughter, as long as I'm laughing with you. And I'm thinking that all that still matters is love ever-after, after the life we've been through. 'Cause I know there's no life after you." --- R.I.P. Jody McKimmon January '91 - April '08 --- Books: 2009's Reads Con’t 26. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini 27. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks 28. Sweet Dream Baby by Sterling Watson 29. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult 30. The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews 31. Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden Currently Reading: 1. The Gathering by Anne Enright Soon To Be Read: 1. The Summoning by Kelly Armstrong 2. The Outlander by Gil Adamson 3. Brisingr by Christopher Paolini 4. Atonement by Ian McEwan 5. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini 6. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer 7. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 8. The Children Of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien 9. Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish 10. The Ambler Warning by Robert Ludlum 11. Any Known Blood by Lawrence Hill 12. Ice Song by Kirsten Imani Kasai 13. The Pretender’s Crown by C.E. Murphy 14. Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker 15. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown 16. Thorn by Vena Cork 17. Red Dog Red Dog by Patrick Lane 18. The Glassblower Of Murano by Marina Fiorato 19. The Hour I First Believed Wally Lamb --- Other dA Accounts: - My written work can be found here. Friends: Clubs:
So it’s been a little while since I updated anything on this site. I’ve had pretty much zero motivation for anything lately. I pretty much get up in the morning, shower, eat occasionally, watch an hour of TV, then have to go to either class or work. How is it possible that only a few things take me an entire day to do?
Went out with Nikki, Jeni, and Janessa on Sunday to the pumpkin patch, and then out for lunch and ice cream after that. I had a lot of fun with them, but I still felt this stupid nagging sulky feeling the entire time. And I apologize to any guys possibly reading this, but I need the sympathy of my fellow females here…this weekend has been the period from hell. I would be perfectly content to stay home this week in my PJs, wrapped in a blanket on the couch with a stack of chick flicks to watch. But, of course, I had to work Friday to Monday instead, and starting tomorrow I’m back to school for three days. I do have this coming Friday off entirely, but I already know I’m going to be sitting around home with nothing to do, and no will to do something if I thought of anything.
I just don’t feel right any more. I’m really hoping that my moods aren’t taking a hit because the weather is changing for the worst…because if so, I can’t standing going through this at the end of every single year.
My classes are going okay. I bombed the two midterms I’ve done, and I don’t know if the other classes have any big tests coming up. I’m really hoping not. I’m not too thrilled about any of them any more. I’m sorry, but whoever said university was better than high school should be shot…so far, it’s been just as bad, if not worse. I think the only thing that is better is the fact the teachers couldn’t care less what you do in the class, or if you even show up. I pretty much spend the entire three hours bored out of my mind, hardly retaining anything that’s said, and wishing I were anywhere else.
Work has been better these last couple of weeks in terms of hours. The dishwasher was on vacation, so I was trained in the back doing that, meaning I worked the four evenings of the week I’m not in school. But now that he’s back my hours are declining again. My mom got me to apply at the new farmers’ market opening up though…I sent my resume in so she’d leave me alone about it finally.
I want to go on vacation. More school is not my idea of fun…at least, not for the nursing program. I really don’t want to take nursing, and I feel like I’m being pressured into it by everyone. I feel like that’s the only thing anyone cares about now…my family pretty much only asks about school and when I get to start the program and what kind of nursing I’ll go into and blah blah blah. The fact that not one person seems to pick up on just how uninterested I am about it surprises me. And really kind of angers me too.
So I don’t know what’s up with me. I don’t feel like talking to the people I’d normally talk to about it any more; for once I actually don’t want to discuss it in that much detail. And I don’t feel like I can just bitch and rant to just anyone any more…and it’s not even that I want to do that…I feel more like I want to just whine and cry and melt down without being told crap like “It’s normal” or “That’s life” or being given useless suggestions to things that people already know I do on a regular basis. Because, yes, believe it or not, I’m perfectly aware that this is life and that it’s normal ON OCCASION to have these extreme downs. I know what things I can do to help make myself feel better, because more often than not I’m the one who told the person giving the advice to try those things in the first place.
So I have no idea what to do now. I just know that I’m more irritable than I ever remember being, more unmotivated, more lazy, more down. Overall, I just feel like crap.
Now I guess I’ll be off to have a cup of tea and do a bit of TV watching, or something before I drag myself off to bed. Good night.
-Alyssa --- R.I.P. Jody McKimmon January '91 - April '08 --- Books: 2009's Reads Con’t 26. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini 27. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks 28. Sweet Dream Baby by Sterling Watson 29. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult 30. The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews 31. Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden Currently Reading: 1. The Gathering by Anne Enright Soon To Be Read: 1. The Summoning by Kelly Armstrong 2. The Outlander by Gil Adamson 3. Brisingr by Christopher Paolini 4. Atonement by Ian McEwan 5. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini 6. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer 7. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 8. The Children Of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien 9. Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish 10. The Ambler Warning by Robert Ludlum 11. Any Known Blood by Lawrence Hill 12. Ice Song by Kirsten Imani Kasai 13. The Pretender’s Crown by C.E. Murphy 14. Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker 15. The Lost Symbol by Dan Brown 16. Thorn by Vena Cork 17. Red Dog Red Dog by Patrick Lane 18. The Glassblower Of Murano by Marina Fiorato 19. The Hour I First Believed Wally Lamb --- Other dA Accounts: - My written work can be found here. Friends: Clubs:
So last week was the first of many for my university classes. Tuesday evening was my English class, and we simply went over the course outline the teacher provided us with – he let us go after an hour and a half or so in order for those students that hadn’t yet gotten their books to make it down to the bookstore before it closed for the night. Wednesday morning I had my first Anthropology class, a study of B.C. First Nations Traditional Culture. The teacher did keep us for the entire duration of the class, but that was because we were partnered up and had to introduce our neighbour to the rest of the class – which, when there’s about twenty or so students, takes a bit of time. After that, we went over the outline and discussed what was going to be expected, and then at the end she started in a little bit on a lecture that I believe she’ll be continuing this week. Wednesday afternoon I had my second Anthropology class, Archaeology. We introduced ourselves this time, and after the outline had been gone over the teacher put on a video for us to watch for the remainder of the class. And finally, Thursday evening I had my Criminology class, which we were only kept for an hour of. Long enough to get together in larger groups, introduce ourselves to each other, find three things we had in common, and come up with a question to ask the teacher. We were also given some scenarios to talk about in our groups and decide whether they were illegal or not, or decide which scenario would gain the most punishment and so on. So far, I think I’ve found that class the most enjoyable.
My Wednesday trip to classes was rather miserable. It was raining, and raining with a vengeance at that. I got to the school, and the parking lots were PACKED. Not a single free spot, no joke. I was told that I would have to head to the street behind the school and use the parallel parking provided back there. Well, the parallel parking was full as well. So was the rest of the street past that. I ended up about a fifteen-minute walk away from the school. I’d left home thankfully with quite a bit of time to spare, so I wasn’t totally rushed. But I did get wet. And in my mad dash from my car up to the school, I ended up leaving my cell phone and MP3 player in my car, out in the open. I’d carried all my books with me, to avoid having to walk back to my car between classes…well, thanks to the stupid phone, I had to trudge back down there, and it was pouring rain by then. Thankfully I saw a lot of people leaving the school on my way through one of the parking lots, so I moved my car right up into the school’s parking, and sat in my car for the couple of hours between my classes, reading my book, texting friends, and eating my much needed lunch. It was not a pleasant experience, and I was very happy I brought an extra sweater with me so I had something dry to wear to my next class.
Tomorrow I’ll be starting my second week of classes. I’ve spent this evening doing my reading for English, and I cannot believe how dull and uninteresting it has been. The discussion, if there is one tomorrow, had better prove to me that there was more to it than I was getting out of it, or I’m going to feel like it was a huge waste of my time.
Anyways, it’s that time of year again, where all the new seasons of the greatest shows ever are starting up. Thursday night was the premier of Supernatural’s fifth season – FYI, it was incredible, but then again it usually is. Other shows that I am jumping out of my skin to see are House, Bones, Grey’s Anatomy [Unbelievable finale last season], Private Practice [likewise, insane finale], Ghost Whisperer, Flash Point, and Smallville. Between work and school, it’s going to be an amazing feat to keep up with everything. But I’m sure I’ll do it, like always. I’m also looking forward to 24 and Scrubs, but those aren’t coming up for a while yet, so I get to anticipate those a little longer.
As for work, well there isn’t much. I don’t have a single shift this week, and now the pressure is on from my mom to go out and start job-hunting again. I just recently got myself a new phone and a plan, which I now have to pay for. Between that and gas money, I’ve got nothing for myself, and nothing to save up. As much as I actually like working at KFC now [I know, it’s a miracle, I like my job], I am pretty frustrated with the lack of hours. And my second job…well, they put me through training for the latest events they’ll be working with, and never scheduled me for anything. So I don’t know what’ll become of that, or if I’ll just quit from there. So it’s back to the resume distribution for me…what fun!
So suffice it to say, I’m rather overwhelmed with everything going on right now. On top of the generic things, I’m having some personal issues as well, including, but not limited to, severe depression and incredible self-consciousness. Feeling sick all the time, be it a headache or stomachache, doesn’t help either. So I’m hoping to get myself back onto a regular eating schedule, and to make sure I get more exercise into my day as well. So far, on the eating front, it’s going poorly, but the exercise is getting a bit better. So here’s hoping I figure things out.
-Alyssa --- R.I.P. Jody McKimmon January '91 - April '08 --- Books: 2009's Reads Con’t 26. A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini 27. Dear John by Nicholas Sparks 28. Sweet Dream Baby by Sterling Watson 29. Salem Falls by Jodi Picoult Currently Reading: 1. The Flying Troutmans by Miriam Toews Soon To Be Read: 1. The Summoning by Kelly Armstrong 2. The Outlander by Gil Adamson 3. Three Day Road by Joseph Boyden 4. Brisingr by Christopher Paolini 5. Atonement by Ian McEwan 6. The Kite Runner by Khaled Hosseini 7. Into The Wild by Jon Krakauer 8. Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert 9. The Children Of Hurin by J.R.R. Tolkien 10. Annie Freeman's Fabulous Traveling Funeral by Kris Radish 11. The Ambler Warning by Robert Ludlum 12. Any Known Blood by Lawrence Hill 13. Ice Song by Kirsten Imani Kasai 14. The Pretender’s Crown by C.E. Murphy 15. Mister B. Gone by Clive Barker --- Other dA Accounts: - My written work can be found here. Friends: Clubs:
Holidays And Life
- My written work can be found here.
Artistic
Tired
Miserable
Unhappy
Yearning
